ND Affirming Assessment, Part 1:
Shifting the Lens at Intake
During a recent intake interview, the mother of the child I would be testing began tearing up:
“It’s my fault – she gets it from me. I was just diagnosed with ADHD, too.”
This parent’s fear and shame of passing down allegedly faulty genetics is unfortunately quite common. It comes from a long-standing misunderstanding that brains that work differently are somehow dysfunctional.
Of course, this is simply not true – and frankly, it broke my heart.
The neurodiversity movement is slowly shifting the way we think about disability, but many parents come into our office with traditional views – and fears – around a potential diagnosis.
This is why the first step to neurodiversity-affirming assessment is helping families shift this lens from deficit to difference.
Here’s how.
Shifting the Lens at Intake
In a previous post, I shared 4 components of neurodiversity-affirming assessment:
- Shifting the lens at intake
- Assessing collaboratively
- Writing affirming reports
- Empowering feedback
Today’s post will break down how you can shift parents’ lens at intake from identifying deficits to affirming differences.
While many parents seek assessment to solve a problem, that doesn’t mean that assessment is about finding “what’s wrong” or “fixing” the child.
Instead,
Neurodiversity affirming assessment means identifying the mismatch between a child’s brain and their environment’s expectations, helping the child to be more fully themselves.
When parents come in with a negative or pathologizing lens around disability, I find my first job is to start shifting their question from “what’s wrong?” to “what’s different?” – and how that difference might be helpful and important for their child.

Deficits and dysfunction are a result of a poor fit between a person’s brain and their environment, or when a child does not yet have the skills to cope with the challenges they are facing.
For every diagnosis – ADHD, autism, dyslexia, anxiety, and even behavioral conditions – we see kids thrive when the environment is a good fit for how their brain works best.
For example, when kids struggle with behavior and emotional dysregulation, they impress us beyond imagination when they feel safe and in control. When kids have difficulty with attention, they often thrive when engaged in their interests.
Of course, this doesn’t mean kids don’t need support, especially when most of the world wasn’t built for them. It simply means that their brains aren’t broken – just built differently.

2 Sides of the Coin
To start this shift from “deficit to difference,” I’ve found it helpful to line up a child’s strengths and challenges as two sides of the same coin, so that parents start to see how they might be related.
For example,
As I listen for these couplings throughout our interview, I might reflect back something like:
The tantrums you are describing sound intense. I’m thinking about how big Amy’s feelings are – both the huge excitement she feels when she’s doing something she loves and the huge disappointment she feels when things don’t go as she planned.
I hear your worry about Preet’s impulsive actions. I’m thinking about what you said earlier about how proud you are that Preet is the first one to jump in and help others, but in this case being the “first one to jump in” didn’t work as well for him.
Early you described how Sasha is always making these really insightful “big picture” connections, and now you’re saying that the “small picture” details can be challenging for her.
While these pairings are not diagnosis-specific, they may be consistent with the diagnostic question. The wording then becomes helpful in explaining the actual diagnosis to the family.
I’ve found that pointing out the “two sides of the coin” can help parents shift from being afraid of a certain diagnosis, to being curious about their child’s unique presentation of neurodiversity – whatever we end up calling it.
Kids are Related to their Parents
As my intake interview with the tearful mother continued, I learned that she is a nurse and an artist. She has a gift for comforting those in crisis, and is overflowing with innovation and creativity, even as an adult.
These ADHD characteristics – her ability to connect with others, respond in a crisis, create, and innovate – were missed in her own, deficit-focused, evaluation. As I pointed them out, I could see her start to rewrite her own narrative – from deficient to different.
By the end of the interview, it became clear that she had also passed these characteristics down to her equally compassionate, creative, innovative child.
While we don’t yet know if ADHD (or some other framing) is the best way to understand how her child’s brain works, this mother was no longer afraid of exploring what may be different about her amazing daughter.
In fact, she’s kind of excited.

For me, this is how neurodiversity affirming assessment begins: by helping families understand, embrace, and celebrate the beauty in the different ways our brains are built.
More Neurodiversity Affirming Assessment Strategies
If you’d like to learn more about how to integrate neurodiversity-affirming strategies into your own testing practice, join us for:
Neurodiversity Affirming Assessment with Kids
Friday, September 27th
9am – 12pm PST
3 APA-Approved CEsLive on Zoom.
Recording & CEs available for those who cannot attend.Early bird discount available through 8/31.
As always, let us know what else you need!