Managing Screen Time- Part 3
This week, we’ve been unpacking how we can help our neurodivergent kids develop a healthy relationship with screens.
In Part 1, we dove into why screens can be helpful for different kinds of minds. For many differently-wired kids, screens are a source of:
- Downtime
- Predictability
- Socializing
- Learning
- Empowerment
In Part 2, we explored how to help kids press pause when needed, and transition to the next activity by supporting their executive functioning skills, like:
- Planning
- Time Management
- Flexibility
- Transitioning
- Visualizing
While understanding your child’s connection to screens and preempting some of the challenges for transitioning can be helpful, many kids continue to struggle.
Today, we’ll look at a strategy for addressing chronic screen challenges by involving our kids in solving the screen time problem.
Troubleshooting through Collaborative & Proactive Strategies
In the previous articles, I shared a story about Jana, a middle schooler who found solace in screens but struggled to turn them off.
Understanding how important her downtime was and making her screen time more predictable was helpful. However, some situations were still much harder than others.
Jana’s parents needed more tools.
For these more challenging moments, the family and I used Dr. Ross Greene’s collaborative and proactive solutions strategy to better understand Jana’s challenges and develop a solution with her.
Here’s how the strategy worked with Jana:
1. Be Proactive – Not Reactive
To figure out what is making a task hard for kids like Jana, the best approach is to ask them about it before the problem occurs.
In the heat of the moment, our brains have an extra challenging time being flexible, shifting our plan, and managing our emotions – the very skills we need to solve problems.
Instead of trying to negotiate with her in the midst of an argument, Jana’s parents waited until a calm moment, when they were able to..
2. Ask “Why?”
I am often surprised by what we learn when we ask kids about the problem from their perspective, and Jana was no exception.
In Dr. Greene’s approach, “asking why” sounds like:
“I noticed you had a tough time stopping your game at dinner time yesterday, what’s up? What made that tricky?.”
Jana shared that when her parents give her multiple reminders that her time is almost up, she gets increasingly anxious and it’s very annoying.
Her parents had been using a commonly-recommended strategy of counting down the time for Jana, but it was backfiring!
Now that they had a better understanding of why the transition had been so tricky, they could…
3. Share Adult Concerns
The next step in this process was for Jana’s parents to share their concerns. This includes sharing why the expectation – to come to dinner – is important to them.
This sounded like:
“The thing is, it’s important that you put away your device in time for dinner so that the food doesn’t get cold and you can eat a healthy meal.”
4. Solve the Problem Together
Finally, Jana’s parents invited her to solve the problem together but putting everyone’s concerns on the table:
“I wonder if there’s a way we can help you get to dinner on time without it being so anxiety-provoking and annoying.”
Jana thought for a minute, and then shared that it would be helpful if they just gave her 1 reminder – instead of multiple.
Jana’s parents were concerned that this would not be enough. “What about a timer?” Jana chimed in. “If you set a timer for my last 5 minutes, I’ll still know it’s time to end, but I won’t have to deal with all the nagging.”
This solution was not revolutionary, but it worked – because Jana was part of creating it.
Self Awareness = Self Regulation
Taking a proactive approach to managing screens is one way we can help kids build self-awareness so they can become more skillful at regulating things like screen time.
The first step to building this self-awareness is helping kids understand and explain their differently-wired brains.
If you’d like help having these conversations with your child, check out Our Brains.
This interactive, collaborative book helps parents engage their kids in an empowering conversation about what makes their brain unique.
Through vivid illustrations and embedded videos, kids learn about their highways and construction zones, as well as ways to advocate for what their brains need to thrive!
Click the link below to check it out!
