Supports for High-Masking Kids

“The school says she’s doing ok, but she comes home and completely explodes. It’s a mess every night!”

This story came from Josie’s mom, who was nearly in tears as she shared it with me.  But it could have come from any number of parents with high-masking neurodivergent kids.

Josie is a 9 year old autistic young person with significant anxiety.  She is bright, hard-working, quiet, and follows the teacher’s instructions fastidiously.  She hangs out with a group of girls during recess and plays their games.  While her comments and ideas may be a bit unconventional at times, she is generally considered a good student.

And yet, for Josie, all of this comes at a significant cost.  

Josie is actively masking during the school day–working hard to cover up and compensate for her less “typical” traits.  While on the outside she appears to be meeting expectations, on the inside, she is:

  • Battling sensory overwhelm from the smells, sounds, and sights of the classroom

  • Working hard to figure out how to respond in social interactions

  • Resisting the urge to stim and move as her body needs

  • Playing games with rules that feel complicated to figure out

  • Burying frustration when things change or aren’t expected

Kids who mask may “do well” on rating scales and academic testing, but they are not “doing well” emotionally.  In fact, they are at high risk for school refusal and burnout.

Kids like Josie need support.

Recommendations for High Masking Kids

Often, parents of high-masking students see the aftermath of challenging school days at home.  Many request an assessment, only to be told that their child does not meet criteria for Special Education. And they may not – but this doesn’t mean they don’t need help.

There is a clear connection between Josie’s active coping during the day and her meltdowns at night.  By offering her support during the day, school becomes a place where she can feel comfortable, welcomed, and – most importantly – herself.

To explain this to educators, I might describe it like this:

Imagine that Josie’s system is a balloon that starts out empty at the beginning of the day. As it fills up with frustrations and stress, it can get to the point where, usually in a comfortable place like home, it pops. But if we prevent her balloon from getting too full, or give her opportunities to release some air throughout the day, we won’t get to that point.

The following accommodations can be extremely helpful for kids like Josie to prevent more significant challenges down the road. They may be included as part of a child’s 504 Plan, SST supports, or as additional accommodations in their IEP.

Read through the ideas here, or scroll down to download the full handout!

1: Sensory Regulation

Many neurodivergent students like Josie are highly sensitive to sights, sounds, smells, and textures.  Their brains are working overtime to process this information, and it can be distracting and taxing.  

To help, consider:

  • Noise-cancelling headphones during independent work time (and making them available to all students to reduce stigma)

  • A separate space to go to when needed (not as a privilege or punishment)

  • A sensory “tool box” with items from home

  • Encouraging stimming as needed

2: Safe Spaces

Sometimes the overwhelm of the day can build up unexpectedly.  Having a “safe space” or “safe adult” to go to when things feel “too much” can help reduce stress. This may be the library, a counselor’s office, or a private space in the classroom.  

An accommodation in this area may sound like:

  • Josie may have a “hall pass” in her desk she can use to go to the counselor’s office at any time

  • Josie may request to do her work in the library by giving the teacher a special nonverbal signal

3: Knowing What to Expect

Changes and transitions can be especially taxing and anxiety-provoking for neurodivergent minds.  And yet, the school day is full of these moments.  

Here’s what it might look like to help:

  • Review the schedule with Josie in the morning

  • Add a post-it to Josie’s desk to remind her of any changes to the routine

  • Let Josie know what class discussion question she will be expected to answer ahead of time to encourage participation

  • Give Josie a meaningful job during transitions

4: Choice

Many neurodivergent students feel the weight of having to meet so many demands and expectations during the day, which are often very different from what they would prefer or need.  Having choice and agency when possible can help kids feel empowered and energized.

For example, this may sound like:

    • When work is completed, Josie may choose a preferred activity

    • Josie may work with a counselor to create a “choice list” for recess, including independent and social activities as desired

    • Give Josie a choice of “brain breaks” as needed, developed ahead of time with Josie’s input

5: Proactive Problem Solving

For chronic challenges, neurodivergent students (and all students) tend to do best when they are involved in creating solutions.  Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative Proactive Solutions approach is well-researched and helpful for ongoing difficulties.

As an accommodation, this may look like:

  • Providing release time for Josie’s teacher to problem-solve with Josie around ongoing challenges

  • Involving Josie in any changes or interventions to get her feedback

  • In the event of a challenging moment, giving Josie tools to help with self-regulation before redirecting or working to solve the problem.

For the full list of resources for high-masking students to share with teachers, download the handout here:
Download the Handout Here!

Even More Tools for High Maskers

If you work in or with schools, Dr. Sarah Wheeler and I have collaborated on a workshop that is designed to help you support your high-masking students – and all the neurodivergent minds you work with.

For a full toolbox of strategies for this coming year, check out…
Click Here to Learn More!

This workshop, presented by Dr. Sarah Wheeler, is available on demand and offers 2 APA-approved CEs.

You’ll learn:

  • How to talk about neurodivergence with clients
  • How to advocate for and run neurodiversity-affirming problem-solving meetings (e.g. SSTs)
  • How to build and promote affirming self-reflection in clients
  • How to explicitly teach children about neurodiversity and ableism

We hope these recommendations are helpful to your practice and the amazing kids you work with!