Managing Screen Time- Part 2

In my last article, I shared some of the things I’ve learned from neurodivergent kids about why screens are so important to them, including giving them opportunities for:

• Downtime

• Predictability

• Socializing

• Learning

• and feeling Empowered

However, understanding why screens are important to our kids is only the first step to helping them have a healthy relationship with them.

In the last article, I mentioned a middle schooler named Jana, who loved her screens but struggled to turn them off.  

In talking with Jana, we learned that she finds it calming to play games, she gets to connect with friends, and she enjoys learning new things from YouTube.

Still, Jana has a difficult time as soon as her parents ask her to turn off her screens and move on to something else.  When asked to stop watching or playing, she screams and hides in her room.  

Her parents felt at a loss.

How do we help kids like Jana build the skills to press pause?

Helping Kids Press Pause

For helping kids build a healthy relationship with their screens, I’ve found the work of Dr. Ross Greene, renowned psychologist, particularly useful.  

Dr. Greene is well known for his perspective that:

“Kids do well if they can.”

This means that if it were easy to “press pause” and move on to the next task without having to deal with a frustrated parent or potential consequence, your child would do it. 

If they don’t get off the screen, it’s because something is getting in their way.

Stopping screens involves a number of different of executive functioning skills, including:

• Planning: How do I make the most of my screen time?
• Time management: What can I do in the time that I have?
• Flexibility: How do I adjust my plan if it doesn’t go like I wanted?
• Transitioning: How do I press “stop” when the next thing is not as fun? 
• Visualizing the next task: What will I do after I end screen time?

Since getting off screens is a set of skills, kids will “do well” when we can help them build these skills ahead of time.  Here are a few ways we can set kids up for success:

1. Make screen time predictable.

Many kids look forward to screen time, but neurodivergent kids may be relying on that time to “reset.” If the time is not predictable, they may become increasingly anxious about not getting it,or try to sneak more time whenever possible.

Here’s what helps:

• Set a routine for when screen time will happen each day.
• Be clear about the amount of time they have.
• Create a Plan B ahead of time – if something comes up, what will happen?

This may sound like:

“Today is different because we have an important errand to run. Remember that when this happens, you’ll have a shorter game time today, but bonus time during the weekend.”

2. Plan the Pause Point

Neurodivergent kids tend to have a hard time visualizing what it will look like to stop one thing and start another.  To help them transition,

• Before kids get ons creens, talk about what it will look like to get off.
• Help them visualizewhat it will look like to stop by creating a mental picture of pausing the game, turning off the system, or putting their screen away.

This may sound like:

“At 3pm, I’ll ask you to press pause, save your game, put the controller on the shelf, and come into the kitchen for a snack. If you’re in the middle of something, what are some ways you can pause it to restart tomorrow?”

3. Visualize What’s Next

Sometimes getting off screens is hard because it’s not clear what happens next, or, simply, the next thing is not fun.

The truth is, the game world is predictable and rewarding, while the real world is not always so.  Here’s what helps:

• Plan what the next task will be so your child knows what to expect.
• Make sure your child has all the materials or equipment they need to make the transition to the next task easier.
• If the next task is not fun (e.g., chores), it may be helpful to think about a different way to transition that is more pleasant, such as getting a snack or playing with the cat.
• If the next task is challenging (e.g., homework), break it down into small steps so it’s easier to get started.

This may sound like:

“Let me know what snack you’d like after game time is over. Then, we’ll sit at the table together and eat while you start your math homework!”

When reflecting on what might be getting in the way for Jana, her parents realized that screen time was very unpredictable due to their family’s schedule.  

As a result, Jana felt like she was constantly fighting for “her time.”

Jana’s family’s first step was making screen time something Jana could count on.  Together, they looked at their typical week and wrote “Jana’s time” into the schedule.

As Jana came to trust she would be able to get her downtime and connect with her friends, she was able to be more flexible when the family’s schedule shifted.

Still, some days were easier than others.  Jana’s family needed a few more tools to troubleshoot the trickier times.

In the next article, we’ll look at ways to dig deeper into what’s getting in the way when these first solutions don’t work as well as we’d hoped.

Build Your Child’s Skills!

Approaching screen time as a set of skills is part of a larger conversation about helping your child see that they are always building their brain.

For this reason, I’ve found it helpful to have ongoing conversations with kids about how their brains are “under construction.”

If you’d like help having these conversations with your child, check out Our Brains.

This interactive, collaborative book helps parents engage their kids in an empowering conversation about what makes their brain unique.

Through vivid illustrations and embedded videos, kids learn about their highways and construction zones, as well as ways to advocate for what their brains need to thrive!

Click the link below to check it out!